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celebrity contributor: BEING A MOTHERLESS MUM by TONI PEAREN

Toni Pearen

WHEN I BECAME A MOTHER ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO I ALSO BECAME A MOTHERLESS MOTHER. Being a motherless mother requires a great deal of resolve. It’s a place you can only imagine to be and when you are there it leaves you bewildered. I remember in the early days of motherhood watching grandmothers and new mothers, feeling enormous jealousy some days and others, pure admiration…
by bM contributor, Toni Pearen

These days I feel it most when grandmothers become their daughter’s cheer squad. It’s good to know you have a number one supporter. The times I miss my mum most are the times I wish I could call her and cry or call in for a chat and pass the hours while she stares adoringly at her grandchildren. The times when I want to call her and share triumphs or just tell her about the menial moments in my daily life. Mums always listen!

If I could pass on any kind of advice this Mothers Day, it’s this. Take all the moments together, big and small, as important memories. Like the time I stood at the stove with my mum as she showed me how to make her gravy, now every time I make gravy I think of her.

Grandmothers and mothers, share everything. The good and bad. Say what needs to be said. Grandmothers, be gentle with mothers. We are learning as you did. We will make mistakes but motherhood is slippery sometimes. Treat us with care. The advice my mum passed to me and the secrets she shared will always have a special place in my life handbook. Until you have kids do you realise the enormous effort and sacrifice your own parents gave. If I had one wish this mothers day it would be to say thank you to my mum for the mum she was and the life she gave me. There is a special language that mums share. A secret language and finally, I know how to speak it.

I now understand my mum like I never had. Every time I hold a friend’s newborn child I remember the time my mother held my niece for the first time. It’s the first time I had seen her as a grandmother and I was fascinated by her innate sense of knowing what to do. That moment has stayed with me forever. Unfortunately, she never got to hold my children in that way and it breaks my heart still.

Hold your mothers close. Thank them even if you don’t always agree. A woman’s journey is a complicated one through the many chapters of her life. Acknowledge her. Honour her.
Believe in her. Forgive her.
She is a life-giver. A goddess.
A miracle worker. Let her know she is seen.

Toni x

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