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sex DR: HOW TO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO SOMEONE NEW

Isiah McKimmie

We’ve all experienced that tough time after a break-up where we have picked ourselves up and re-entered the dating world. We might have had a few one night stands to break the ‘I’ve had sex with the one person for the last however many years’ pattern….

… but what happens when you meet someone you really like? When you want to be intimate and for it to mean something again?
How do you approach this without getting yourself all worked up (quite literally!)?

With your ex-partner, you had become familiar to their smell, touch, the moves they would make, and they in turn, knew your body and what you liked. Now you must open that can of worms with someone new and it can be a daunting prospect.

Take your time.
I say this because the worst thing you can do when in bed with a new partner is start to compare them to your past lover.
It’s a natural reaction to want to compare but if the break-up is very fresh, you’ll be inside your head thinking ‘they kiss differently’ or ‘I’m missing the X-factor I had with my ex’. Of course, it could also be a positive comparison, but generally we feel hurt after an emotional upheaval in our lives, and so we run the risk of feeling like we are ‘missing’ something. This may take some time to get over.

You don’t need to be intimate with the person you really like for all the wrong reasons, because it might make you feel worse than you did to begin with.
Take your time. You’ll know when you’re really ready again.

Be open and honest.
If this new person really likes you, they should be able to understand how you’re feeling and you should be able to be honest about it. You can tell them, that it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate, and you can allow yourself to be vulnerable in this situation. If the new person isn’t responsive to your feelings, then perhaps they’re not the right fit.

Your timing and comfort deserves to be respected. Don’t be afraid to lay your boundaries on the table and see if the new person respects them. If your new crush baulks because you put them through paces at a speed you were comfortable with, then it’s not a great loss for you. You want someone who will respect your vulnerabilities and boundaries, especially in the bedroom.

Remind yourself that they’re attracted to you.
Worrying about body image is one of the most common fears expressed to me, by people going into a new relationship. They’re worried about judgement from a new partner. Remember that the person you’re with is most likely in your bedroom because they are attracted to you.

You. As you are right now.
Self-acceptance is sexy, so stay focused on the things that you DO love about your body.

Relax and enjoy.
While sex is an intimate act, we often forget that it’s also meant to be fun. Smile, take some deep breaths and really try to enjoy the moment. It’s new and exciting and you want to ensure you are absorbed in the act and not inside your head. Accept that it’s ok to be nervous though too.

Try some of these tips to get yourself in a more composed mindset:
– Start by taking some deep breaths. This will literally calm your nervous system and help your whole body relax.
– Feel your energy drop out of your head and into your body. Feel connected to your heart and your gut. Fear and negative thinking lose their power over you when you connect to your body. This is where our sensual power lives.

Don’t forget to be yourself.
With a new person, we are still trying to impress them in the early stages of a relationship and so in turn, our anxiety levels increase. Try not to get carried away with your insecurities and forget all the amazing things you are bringing to the bedroom.

You’ve got this!
Isiah x

Loved this? You can read more about Isiah here + stay tuned for her posts!!
& if you have any sex questions, email them to here

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