life advice: 10 Love Mistakes I Made In My 20s I’ll Never, EVER Repeat Again

relationship advice

LIFE IS A LEARNING CURVE, EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES & THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE

The real trick is to learn from these mistakes and take this knowledge into future relationships. By relationship expert, Sylvia Smith


I know there are many things I know now that I wish I had known in my twenties; but I also know I’ll never make these mistakes again:

1. Nice guys: When you’re young it’s easy to ignore the nice guy in favour of the bad boy, the one who appears to be offering adventure. However, ignoring the cute guy is actually a sign that you feel bad about yourself and you naturally gyrate to people with the same feelings. A nice guy might not be the right person for you, but he deserves a try.

2. Chasing men: Your personality type will dictate whether you prefer to chase the men or have them chase you. I preferred to chase and this meant I ignored many good men! In fact, no matter what you must be prepared to give any man a chance, even if they chase you and you prefer it the other way! He might just turn out to be the one and together you might have long lasting love in marriage.

3. The truth: Truth is important in any relationship; however, this does not mean that a new partner has to know all your intimate details straight away! Allow the relationship to build naturally and if they earn your trust and respect you can divulge the skeletons in your closet, a few at a time.

4. Respect: Respect must be earned. However, anyone who disrespects you should be removed from your life. There is no excuse for this. Everyone makes mistakes and says the wrong thing and then apologises. If they choose to disrespect you then they have no place in your life. Why should you risk getting a divorce in your 20s just because the guy you fall for is not the man you married?

5. Puppets: There is a huge amount of peer pressure growing up and a natural desire to be liked. This can result in you hanging around people that are not good for you and taking their abuse, in whatever form. As I have aged I now realise that true friends stick by you through thick and thin and will not manipulate or control you for their own ends.

6. One Step at a Time: Young love, or lust can often result in an obsession with one person. Your happiness and entire life revolves around this person, even if you hardly know each other! This is not a mistake I will make again, any new relationship can progress at a rate that is comfortable for both of us, my happiness will be linked to all the elements in my life, not just my man.

7. Happiness: The obsession with a specific guy can result in your feelings being completely controlled by that guy, even if this is unintentional. Every time they are busy you feel crushed and when you are together you feel over the moon. This is because you base your happiness on him, instead of your own life. There’s no point in asking for relationship advice in this case; things are pretty simple – you want to be happy right? If he doesn’t make you happy, just move on.

8. Need vs. Want: When I was young I needed a man in my life, at all times. It didn’t actually matter who, as long as there was one to fixate on and drool over. Now I realize that this was a result of my own issues and I only go out with men I want, rather than need.

9. Dating: Committing to relationship after relationship takes away from the opportunity to date and meet new people. It is these experiences which help you develop as a person and learn the things you like yourself. You are also more likely to meet the right man for you!

10. Accept what you have: Whether you are single, in a marriage, or in a relationship there will be a lot of good things happening in your life. Instead of always looking for the next big thing or a new man so that you are not alone, accept what you do have and make the most of it. It will help you to become a more rounded individual and be comfortable with yourself. If you know your own needs and desires you will be better placed to form a lasting, loving partnership.

When we’re young we have a tendency to mix love with lust. It’s natural to make mistakes, but you must be willing to treat them like a lesson. Don’t confuse a life lesson with a soul mate, and take things one step at the time if you want to find a relationship that can last.


Sylvia-Smith
Author Bio:
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples in therapy. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is currently associated with Marriage.com, a reliable resource assisting millions of couples to resolve their marital issues. She holds a Master’s Degree in Arts (Clinical Psychology with an Emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy).

 
{Top pic: Scotch & Soda}


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